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January 15, 2010

Us-Him=me having the worst week ever
Its MLK Day next Monday…that means he can’t come over. I’m so upset by this.
I really need to be with him. I want to be in his arms again. I want to see his smile. I want to see the look in his eyes when he says something that embarrasses me.  I want to hear him whisper in my ear that he loves me. I want to hear him tell me that he’s sorry for not having enough time for me. I want to tell him all my stories from high school. I want to tell him that I’m the luckiest girl in the world. I want to tell him that he makes me happy.

But all of that is going to have to wait until the 25th.  I don’t know how I’ll last that long…especially without anything to make me cum.
He showed me porn for the first time. I watched some. Honestly, it does nothing for me. I can’t get excited by porn. He sent me a video that he said reminds him of me. I did enjoy watching it, but only because I knew it was something he liked. It made me feel like he was finally comfortable enough to share something like that with me.

Sometimes I feel a bit disconnected from him. He’s usually very busy, so sometimes it’ll be a couple days before he writes to me. I really don’t know very much about him. He comes over, comes into my room. He sees what life is like for me. I never get to go to his house. Granted, thats my fault and not his, but still. I feel like I’m giving all of myself to him and he’s still holding back. I’m not sure if its because he’s trying to draw me out or if he’s holding back on purpose, but I wish he’d tell me more about himself.
I still remember one email he sent me a while ago…he told me random things about himself that I didn’t know yet…like where he lived before here…that he’s seen snow…things like that. I love when he does that. Its the little things that matter to me the most. When he sends me an email randomly just to remind me that he loves me…when he signs in to tell me I’m his baby…when he wakes up early on the only day he can sleep in just so he can spend a few minutes with me…thats when I feel connected to him.

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