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Sadness :(

February 3, 2010

My boyfriend and I talked last night…not too long after my last post. He was extraordinarily busy, which is why he hadn’t written back. I was so happy that he was writing to me…it made me regret my last post. Until I asked him about Valentine’s day. He’s standing by his original decision. I won’t be getting my first Valentine’s day this year…perhaps next year. His reason? He doesn’t want my mom to know about us until she’ll respond positively.

I understand where he’s coming from. After seeing the marks on my neck she suspects someone’s been choking me. Introducing a boyfriend would mean that she’d automatically assume it was him.

But doesn’t he realize how important this is to me? It can even be something small and inexpensive that I can throw away later. I just want something…even if its just an egg, cheese and ham croissant from Burger King…I really don’t care. I just want it to be special. I want it to be different than all the other days he comes over.


He also asked if he could come and see me after class. Of course I said yes, I’ve been waiting a whole month for him to come. That is, until he told me what he wanted to do. He said that I shouldn’t invite him over unless I was going to have sex with him on campus. All I could think was why isn’t it enough to just spend time with me. We’re still strangers. He only comes over once a week and only for a few hours. He can’t possibly know me that well. So why isn’t he interested in getting to know me? He said that he is, its just right now he has an uncontrollable desire to have sex with me when he sees me (though he put it much more eloquently). I understand that to him that may seem like a compliment. I’m completely capable of seeing things his way. But honestly, to me it sounds like he’s saying he wants a fuck buddy rather than a best friend or in the words of one of my readers: I feel like I’m being used.

Ok…poor choice of words. I know that he loves me…but I wish he’d control himself a bit so I could get to know him. *Sigh*

On the bright side, I’m going out with my friends next week. They want to go out to eat…that’s what he wanted right? That’s why he wants me to take more classes on campus next semester, to make more friends? Well, here I am, going out with friends.

Oh, funny story: I told him that the reason I took online classes was so that I’d have more time for him. Although thats true, what I neglected to mention was that I would have taken them online anyway. See, I’m a bit antisocial in person. I love talking to my friends online or texting, but in person? No, thanks. I prefer to interact using my keyboard instead of my words.

Anyways, hopefully we can work out this whole Valentine’s day nonsense…my friends are dying to meet him.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 3, 2010 6:16 pm

    I think you still need to come forth to your mother about your relationship, though the marks on your neck does make it more difficult to go with it, you just need to sit down with your mother and tell her what’s going on. Tell her he wants to meet her or whatever. She might not be happy about it but with due time she will once she knows how he is treating you.

    As for Valentine’s Day, there no reason in the world for him not to anything. He can at least buy a card and mail it out to you and it would cost him less than 5 dollars. I’m not intending this to sound harsh or anything but not having money is still not an excuse not to do anything. If you guys can’t go out on V-Day then go the next week or something. Last year my ex and I went to the pier and got us a hotel the week after because we couldn’t see each other and the prices for hotels would be sky high. There’s always ways around situations.

    I know it’s difficult but you need to put aside the having sex part in favor of just talking and getting to know each other. You’re dreams, goals in life. Your interest, just spend sometime to chat. There will always be time for sex later in life but you need to build a foundation to base this relationship on.

    • February 3, 2010 7:07 pm

      Well, actually, I’m a bit nervous about telling her.
      As for Valentine’s day…I’m still hoping that he’s just saying that so that he can suprise me Monday morning…Oh well…a girl can dream.

  2. February 28, 2010 11:48 am

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