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Ramblings in my mind

February 17, 2010

Could he be married? Have a girlfriend? He frequently asks if I’m ok with him being with other girls. I always say yes, though I never truly mean it.
Why do I say yes? Its because I’m grateful that my first time was how it was. It was extraordinarily beneficial for my first time to have been with him. He has helped me accept my needs and wants without shame. I want him to do that for other girls, too. The only thing I ask is that I know about it ahead of time, that she know about me ahead of time and that his time with her not detract from my time with him. Basically, as long as it doesn’t interfere with our relationship I’m ok with it.
But why don’t I like it? I don’t like it because I’m still not entirely secure in our relationship. I worry that he’ll find someone better than me. Someone who isn’t needy or clingy or childish. Someone older who he could introduce to his friends. Someone more mature who can spend the night at his house without having to ask permission. Someone who can go out on a date with him. Someone he can trust with all of his secrets.

Which reminds me of his secret. He told me that he has boytoy that he calls when he wants to fuck in the middle of the night. I found that so incredibly sexy. I wish I could meet him. I don’t feel threatened by him at all…its not like with girls.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 18, 2010 4:42 am

    You should tell him the honest truth about not being with other girls(if he means sexually) because if you keep saying you’re ok with that then he will do it because it’s fine with you. Be honest about it or else he will think about it.

    What’s funny is that my ex would say the same thing about how it’s not fair she was my only girlfriend and that I needed to experiance more in life and not get tied down to the first person I’ve known sexually and relationship wise šŸ˜„ I guess I should’ve paid more attention to that.

    Anyhoos sorry for getting off topic(ugh I hate how I always talk about myself in your replies, sorry) you need to be vocal about your concerns about him being with other women. Make him feel you want to his only one. Don’t make yourself feel you’re not good enough, he’s with you and not someone older for a reason. Shouldn’t doubt yourself so much because you’re an amazing girl in many many ways.

    On a lighter note I’m surprised he hasn’t insinuated having a threesome with his boytoy.

  2. Tony permalink
    February 19, 2010 2:28 pm

    Have you been with other boys while you have been his g/f?

  3. February 19, 2010 5:11 pm

    Sinalma86: so am I. In fact, I’ve actually fantasized about meeting his mysterious boytoy..but he doesn’t like talking about him. He gets really nervous and shy when I ask him about his boytoy…I think he looks super cute when he’s embarassed. šŸ™‚

    Tony: No I haven’t. I think he ust said that to scare me a bit…and he says I’ve been punished enough. šŸ˜

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