I talked to my boyfriend last night. It was the first time in a long time. Did I miss him? Immensely.
Did I doubt him? Like always.
Did I consider leaving him? Yes.
Did I change my mind? Instantly.
Why? Because he knows what he’s doing is wrong.
Here are the top 10 reasons I told him he is the right boyfriend for me: 1. You’re understanding when I’m scared
2. You teach me to enjoy new things.
3. I feel comfortable telling you the truth
4. When I say something stupid and insensitive you figure out why I said it rather than getting mad at me. 5. You help me grow
6. You challenge me
7. You let me cry
8. You don’t freak out when I cry
9. Just the thought of you makes me smile.
10. You’re willing to keep our relationship a secret even though it means you have to wake up before the sun just to see me.
I think its cute when he doubts himself. It makes me see him like a real person. I can’t believe how far I’ve come. I used to think he was perfect and infallible. Now, I see him mess up and I get upset. I complain about the things he does. I never would have thought these things 3 months ago.
But even though I think its cute, it still hurts me. It hurts me to know that he wants me to be with someone else. It hurts me to know that he treated his exgf better than he treats me. It hurts me to know that his business is taking up all of his time. It hurts me to know that it hurts him. It hurts me when he asks me to sneak out to meet him at night. It hurts to know that he needs me so badly that he’s willing to risk our relationship. It hurts me to know that he thinks I’m so lonely I need a girlfriend.
Yup, that’s right. I need to be actively searching for a gf as of next monday. Ugh! I wish there was a way to get him to understand that the only reason I agreed to ever be with a girl is because I thought he’d be watching and I know its a fantasy a lot of guys have.