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March 19, 2010

After over a month and a half I finally got to see him again. It felt different this time.

When he walked in I didn’t rush over to greet him. When he walked into my room I didn’t kiss him. When he told me to kiss him, I refused. But then he kissed me.
I tried to bottle up the feelings I had for him, but he seemed to intent on drawing them out.

Well…the sex was awful today! I don’t know why. He’s usually so amazing. Today, no matter what we tried, it hurt. But not just a normal pain…its been almost 12 hours and I’m still in pain.

I guess this is what a girl’s first time is supposed to feel like. My first time was definitely not like that. I even bled today. I haven’t told him though. Its not his fault. He tried so hard to make today wonderful for me. He even used lube during regular sex. We usually only use lube for anal…but it hurt so much today.

Today was also the first time he fell asleep. 🙂
I’d been telling him for a long time that he could come over to sleep. But I never thought he’d do it. Well, today after he came he held me close and told me he’d like to go to sleep. So he did.
He snores a little when he’s asleep. And he looks really cute. But I really wanted to talk to him. I thought it’d be ok since I was supposed to meet him tomorrow…but he backed out. Yes, I understand why, his mom needs him…but still…my boyfriend just broke our first date 😦

I feel sort of rejected. But today sort of made up for it.

I think its time for a safeword, though. We never needed one before. Suddenly I find myself wanting him to stop. But he thinks I’m not serious…so I end up crying at which point he realizes I was serious.
Its not that he really does anything terrible, its just there are some things I would like to stop before they went to far.

Ugh! Its late…I’ll post again another day. I have so much to write! My mind has been going crazy!

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