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Hope

June 19, 2010

This morning I woke up completely freaking out because I was convinced I had an STD (thanks to webmd). I emailed my boyfriend around 10 telling him I needed to talk to him about something important. I expected for him to sign in like around midnight maybe, if ever. But 20 minutes later he was online asking me what was wrong.

He wasn’t mad at me for interrupting his day. He wasn’t annoyed that I was bothering him over something like that. He cared. He asked me what was wrong. And when I told him I couldn’t explain it, he asked me to try.
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I asked him when he was last tested and he told me it was before we started hooking up. When I asked him if he’d been with other girls since then, I expected him to give me a ridiculous number…but instead he told me it was just me. 🙂 I asked him to go get tested again, and he agreed.

The last time he came over to see me he explained to me that he felt a certain responsibility to me because he had taken my virginity. He feels a need to protect me. He wants to be there for me, he wants to give me more attention, but his job is sucking the life out of him. I hate his job so much!
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I’ve been reading my blog lately and it seems like my boyfriend’s a monster. He’s not. Its just that I want to be his entire life, but he has a life of his own. He hardly has time for himself, how can I expect him to have time for me?

He’s doing his best to keep up with my obsession. And yes, I do think its an obsession. But its also getting better. Being spanked by another guy helps fill a certain void, I guess you could say. Having someone else to talk to is helping me to…I’m not sure how to express it. I guess having someone else to talk to gives me the attention I crave to a certain degree.

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