The Things That Went Unsaid
I started writing this as an email to him. But in the end, I decided I should post it on my blog rather than email it to him. I just can’t bring myself to send this to him because it’ll put so much pressure on him.
I’m sorry I’m such an emotional wreck when you try to leave. But I don’t think you know why and I’m gonna try to explain it to you in hopes that it won’t bother you so much.
Having sex with you is the equivalent of taking you to a strip club. I promised God I’d be a virgin when I got married. I broke that promise for you…because I was in love. So when you come over, cum and leave it really bothers me. I try to please you…I really try and it feels like it all goes unnoticed. And I end up feeling used…but not used in the good way like you intend…used like your just using me with complete disregard for my feelings.
In my mind, I know that you care about me very much. I know you that you come over as much as you can. I know that you give up sleep and work to be with me…but my heart wants more. You’re looking for sex. I’m looking for a relationship. Not with you, necessarily, but with someone. But because I don’t have anyone else I want the feeling of a relationship with you.