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Vacation :)

November 24, 2010

I just got back from vacation…it was awesome. I got to go see FMBC Semi-Finals then we went to stay at a Disney Resort. We went to downtown Disney every night. It wasn’t a true vacation since I had to do homework every day, but it was a nice break from reality. Plus, I got new charms for my charm bracelet 🙂

Where was my boyfriend during all of this? In Nashville…working. -.-
So I was a bit surprised when he wrote to me one night around midnight. We started talking but since he was drunk I figured he wouldn’t remember any of it the next day. I couldn’t have been more wrong. He remembers it all. He told me he wished I still loved him because he doesn’t own my body anymore. He liked owning my body. I want to give myself to him, but there was never any possibility of a relationship so I pulled away from him. I knew this relationship would end soon so I tried to distance myself from him so the break up wouldn’t be so bad. But he asked what I wanted, so I told him. I want the possibility of marriage. I want to know that our relationship has a possible future. He finally told me why marriage was never a possibility. He doesn’t think I can handle his kinks. But his kinks are all things I enjoy, I just kind of stopped doing them because I didn’t want to feel too close to him. He wants me to let him eat me out, but the reason I always say no is because I know he prefers me to shave, so if I haven’t shaved in a while I feel kind of awkward about it. He wants to choke me to the point of passing out, but the reason I didn’t let him do that before was because I didn’t know that’s what he had in mind and it scared me. Everything he said he wants to do I denied him for some silly reason. If I knew these things were so important I would have said yes.
In fact, the only thing I’d still say no to is anal. The last time we tried it I wanted to go slow at first but he kept saying that if I didn’t hurry up he was just going to ram it in. It freaked me out so I made him stop. But the truth is I want to start trying anal again…I just need him to go slow at first. I wish he’d understand that. All I need is for him to start slow and I’m sure I’ll start to enjoy it again.

That whole talk really ruined my vacation. I stayed up until 3:30 talking to him and I had to wake up at 6. I ended up waking up an hour late. I almost missed breakfast. I was sleepy all day. I had homework to finish but I couldn’t focus. And, to top things off, I felt terrible about the talk we had had. The good news? At least now I know what he wants. I’m determined to become the obedient servant he wants.

One Comment leave one →
  1. November 26, 2010 2:43 pm

    As previously stated, I still worry about his commitment to his role in the relationship, but it is good to see your commitment is so complete. As for your concerns with anal, I know it is difficult for me to go slow. A big part of that is that the main attraction to anal is the fact that I’m able to cause harm with my cock much easier during anal than during other forms of penetration (which is a big kink for me). What has worked best is that I don’t try to fuck my submissive in her ass until she’s already so worked up she can’t see straight. So….if telling your master to slow down is causing trouble, perhaps the other approuch to try is to ask him to do plenty of other play with you first, and then take your ass. 🙂 Good luck!

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