Good morning to me
He came over this morning for the first time in forever!
It was considerably different than other times. For one, he gave me an opportunity to deep throat. He usually doesn’t. Not that he discourages it, but usually if I’m uncomfortable at any point he lets me stop. Today he let me slow down, but he refused to let me take the penis out of my mouth. It was difficult. I was gagging the whole time and it was difficult to breathe at one point. But I liked knowing that he was finally taking charge.
But then he decided on anal. Suddenly, I wasn’t so pleased anymore. Still, I was determined to please him. I had an orgasm when he was still pushing in. He took advantage of the pleasure to finish pushing in. It hurt. But the pleasure from the orgasm helped me ignore the pain. It was difficult, but at least he was able to orgasm through anal sex. It’s been a long time since that happened.
Then we also got to talk. That’s always nice. I like knowing that there’s another side to him. That was followed by more sex and a promise to return this week. I hope he does return. My semester is almost over and with my super huge paper out of the way I have a lot more time on my hands.
Besides, with this new ban on orgasm unless I’m with him, going a week without an orgasm is really difficult.
At the same time, constant stimulation does not equal more orgasms. Instead, it leads to cramped hands, disappointment and desensitization. I wish he’d understand that. He forced me to deal with constant stimulation the entire time. But all it did was hurt me and make me hate the sex.
And he’s always asking how his orgasm felt for me. I’m not sure what to say. Yes, I can feel the difference between a weak and a strong orgasm, but other than that I really have nothing to add. It makes me feel like he’s insecure about it. But let’s be honest, I have enough insecurities for the both of us.
I love him more, though. I want to make our relationship public…tell my family and stuff…but he’s scared. He says that my mom will think he’s too old. I understand his point of view, but at the same time it makes me feel like there’s no hope. He’ll always be 7 years older than me. That’s never going to change. So, does that mean that we’ll never go public with it?