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December 2, 2010

I lost my great-grandmother yesterday. I really loved her. I’m devastated.

My boyfriend promised to come over again this week. It’s Thursday. I need him. I need him to show me that he’s still in control of me. I need him to take control. But he hasn’t written back. He wrote to me last night…but he didn’t mention anything about coming over. I had originally told him I didn’t want to see him. I thought I’d be too upset to see him. But a few hours later I realized that I needed him. I need him to assert his dominance now more than ever. At the time when I need him the most he is notably absent.

I know he’s busy, but I wish he’d at least write back to say he won’t be coming. He’s probably asleep anyway. There’s no point to any of this. What I really want is to curl up and die.

I don’t really have a coping mechanism. I’ve never really had to deal with the death of someone I love. I’ve only been to 1 funeral in my life. It was for my great-grandfather. Even then, I couldn’t stay for the funeral. I volunteered to babysit my cousin so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I was pretty young too. I was 13.

I’ve never learned to cope with the loss of someone I loved. 😦

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Tortue permalink
    December 2, 2010 12:58 pm

    I’m so sorry to read about your lost. Words can not explain the pain your feeling. I wish i could give you a huge hug. Hand in there, it will get better and hopefully you’ll learn to deal with it. Its sad but part of life. Big cyber hug…. ((((((((HUG)))))))))))))

    • December 2, 2010 5:14 pm

      Thank you. I’m working through it. Writing about it made me feel a lot better.

  2. December 9, 2010 10:26 am

    It is tough. I watched my wife go through the loss of her mom, and then later both of her maternal grandparents. I’ve lost all of my grandparents, but I wasn’t close to any of them. Let us know if there is any way we can help.

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