I lost my great-grandmother yesterday. I really loved her. I’m devastated.
My boyfriend promised to come over again this week. It’s Thursday. I need him. I need him to show me that he’s still in control of me. I need him to take control. But he hasn’t written back. He wrote to me last night…but he didn’t mention anything about coming over. I had originally told him I didn’t want to see him. I thought I’d be too upset to see him. But a few hours later I realized that I needed him. I need him to assert his dominance now more than ever. At the time when I need him the most he is notably absent.
I know he’s busy, but I wish he’d at least write back to say he won’t be coming. He’s probably asleep anyway. There’s no point to any of this. What I really want is to curl up and die.
I don’t really have a coping mechanism. I’ve never really had to deal with the death of someone I love. I’ve only been to 1 funeral in my life. It was for my great-grandfather. Even then, I couldn’t stay for the funeral. I volunteered to babysit my cousin so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. I was pretty young too. I was 13.
I’ve never learned to cope with the loss of someone I loved. 😦