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Taking a break

December 10, 2010

He wrote to me last night. I told him I had contemplated suicide. So, why didn’t he write to me this entire time? His ex was jealous of me. Yup, I was about to kill myself because he didn’t want to upset his ex.

So, after telling him how much I crave his attention, what did he say? You have strong emotions. We should take a break.

Seriously? Is he out of his fucking mind?!?!?! I almost killed myself because I didn’t hear from him and his solution is to take a break. Does he not see the danger in that???

Well, I agreed to the break. I had already been planning to break up with him. Still, I felt awful last night. The thought that I’d never see him again, never lay in his arms, never smell his cologne, never hear him call me his baby…it was too much. Thankfully, my hero was there to rescue me.

He talked to me…forced me to imagine being with him…forced me to feel like I was in his arms. It was amazing. I don’t know what I would have done without my hero. He rescued me for the second time this week. I owe him my life.

My boyfriend’s a dick. I was so in love with him. I gave myself to him. He tore me to pieces and threw me away. My hero put me back together.

I cried a lot last night. I saw myself in the mirror. I never want to look like that again.

It’s going to be difficult to give myself to someone after this. When you give yourself to someone you expect them to treasure you, care for you, not tear you up and discard you…make you feel like you’re less than nothing. It’s going to be very difficult to ever trust someone again…to ever love again.

I’m still crying occasionally. Not as much as last night, but the tears are still there. I need a vacation…to Maryland. I need to see my hero’s face. I need to lay in his arms…show him my gratitude.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. December 11, 2010 5:45 am

    Your hero is a very lucky person to have your admiration like this. I truly feel for you with your boyfriend, or soon to be, sometimes no matter how hard we try it just can’t work out with the person we love so much.

  2. December 13, 2010 1:44 pm

    I don’t know if it helps or not, but most likely your boyfriend is incapable of feeling what you need him to feel with anyone. It isn’t a reflection on you, but rather a lacking on his part. I’m glad someone was able to take care of you. 🙂

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