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This is it

January 25, 2011

I’ve written to him twice now. I asked if he’s made a decision yet. Both times he chose not to respond. I think it’s time to admit to myself what I’ve tried so hard to deny. Our relationship has run it’s course. It’s over now. All I’ll ever have are the memories.

I’ll never forget how he took my virginity. He went so slowly. Made sure I was ok with it. He was so gentle…so caring.

Or the first time I ever had anal…his dick ever so casually slipped inside with a warning. It hurt so much. I wanted to make him leave and never let him come back…but when I looked at his face, he looked so perplexed.

Or the first time he let me deep throat him…or the first time he choked me…or when he blindfolded me and choked me…how I freaked out when I felt myself go numb.

I’ll never forget the night we spent together. The pool sex was amazing. We were so cold. He had told me if we got into the pool he was going to drown me…but I went over to his house anyways, because I wanted to prove myself to him.

I’ll never forget all of the good times we had together. I’ll never regret having given myself to him.

But I’ll always wish for just one more chance.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. January 25, 2011 4:37 pm

    Been there, done that, have the scars, and will do it again. I’m sorry hon. It sux, but it is also part of what happens when you live life the right way. Never, ever hold back.

    • January 25, 2011 4:41 pm

      I know…but it’s a bit difficult to not hold back. This was my first time giving myself so completely…and it wasn’t something I did easily. I don’t know if I could just give myself away again like that.

  2. January 25, 2011 4:53 pm

    I know what you feel, I was in the same boat as you. I can’t offer many words to help but all I can say, from what everyone has told me, is that at least you have those memories and experiences that I know deep down you will treasure for your life.

  3. cjb permalink
    January 25, 2011 8:59 pm

    Hang in there sweet sub.
    Every time we lose in life we learn lessons to help be happier in the future.
    You are now stronger. Smarter.

    Your challenge is to insure events like these do not harden you to the extent you encase your delicate mind in to a protective shell.

    Life is still a daily wonder. Roses smell as sweet. Never ever settle.

    Thank you kindly for sharing this good story with your friends here online.

    Tomorrow is another day. We await your most awesome descriptions of it darlin.

    Please do not let us or yourself down, k?



    • January 26, 2011 5:29 pm

      Thank you CJB. That was really sweet. I’ll do my best to not let you down!

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