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And once again my heart is shattered

February 25, 2011

So there was this guy…this one guy who I thought would always be there for me. Well, he wasn’t there for me yesterday. I really, really needed him. I was feeling so incredibly vulnerable and lonely. He said that if I called him he’d always answer…but he didn’t. I cried myself to sleep last night. He had promised we’d play a game…but he never came back. He knew I needed him…but he didn’t even ask if I was ok. He didn’t check on me, he didn’t say he loved me…nothing. He simply told me that he couldn’t handle his responsibilities…but he didn’t even talk to me about it.  So today, I asked to talk to him. I was hoping to find a way to lessen his responsibilities while still having my needs met…but he just told me he couldn’t handle this. How can I work with that? He just decides that I’m not important enough to deal with. I feel like I give myself away only to have my heart broken…it’s as though this is all there is to life.

I can’t stop thinking that perhaps there’s something wrong with me. I mean, I know I demand a  lot of attention…but to the point that he’d just retreat from me? I know he has a lot going on in his life, but he also  knows how much I need him. In fact, he always said that he  loved that I needed him so much. I’m such an idiot. I’m just gonna give up. I’m sick of always compromising…of always taking care of everyone and never being taken care of. I loved him…I still love him. But he refuses to allow me to pull away from him. Why, then, does  he pull away from me?

3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 28, 2011 11:08 am

    I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time of it. Be sure to take care of yourself.

  2. tortue permalink
    March 1, 2011 8:55 am

    Ouch. Not the kind of blog i was hoping to read. So sorry you’re going thru this. U must take care of you… first. Be good.

  3. March 2, 2011 8:41 pm

    @tortue: things are fine now. We finally talked it out and, once again, I compromised. But it’s worth it. This guy is really special.

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