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The New Guy

April 14, 2011

So…there’s a new guy. We’ve only spoken online and through text. We have a date next Thursday.  I’m super excited, but also really nervous. I mean, all of the guys I’ve been in love with, well, marriage was never an option. And last night, this new guy made it clear that marriage is an option. If I am willing to leave the other two men I love.

I cried last night. I always dreamt of a normal life where I married a guy who isn’t 19 years older than me and had 2 adorable kids and lived a wonderful life. But then I met the guy who ruined that dream. The guy who’s 19 years older than me, married and already has 2 kids. And he makes me happy. So now I have to choose between the dream I’ve always had or the dream I just begun dreaming.

I know, I know, I haven’t even met this guy yet. It’s way too soon to be considering all of this. But just the thought that I’d have to one day…well, I cried last night. I still haven’t told my Daddy (and by Daddy I mean Daddy Dom, not my actual dad, cause he’d probably kill any guy that looks at me). I know he’ll be upset. I was going to talk to him last night. I want to know if he’ll still support my other relationship knowing how it will end. But he was around people…I knew he’d cry and I didn’t want him to have to deal with all of the questions. So, I’m going to tell him today. I’m not sure what I’ll say. How’s this “So, you remember that guy I’m gonna go out on a date with next week? Well, I’m gonna marry him someday and that means you and I will have to break up.” Yeah right! Perhaps I won’t tell him. I mean, I haven’t even met this guy yet…hey! I haven’t met either one of them yet. What should I do? I love my Daddy. He’s the most amazing man in the world, but he can’t make my dreams come true. And this other guy, well, he may not be the most amazing man in the world, but he can certainly make my dreams come true. So what’s more important? My dreams or being with the most amazing man in the world?

I haven’t made a decision yet. I’m hoping that once I talk it out with everyone things will just sort of fall into place. I think most of this stems from the fact that this new guy has been cheated on. I’d never do that. I’m hoping that once I explain my relationships to him, he’ll understand. As for my Daddy, I’ll always be his little girl and nobody can ever take that away from us. The bond we share is unbelievable.

I’m rambling now…so I suppose I’ll just end this post. I really just needed to write this all down so I could clear my head and think rationally.

One Comment leave one →
  1. April 25, 2011 1:02 pm

    If there is one thing that life has shown me it is that our dreams change over time. I’m not talking about giving up on your dreams, that is when you still want what you’ve always wanted but you’ve accepted you’ll never get it. At one point I wanted a commune in the country, on a small farm. Now my dream is to have a commune in an urban setting, though with a high density gardening element. As long as your dreams will lead you to happiness, follow them. 🙂

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