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February 13, 2012

Last week my Daddy helped me learn patience. This weekend he’s given me plenty of chances to practice being patient.
I really do understand…he’s had wife stuff and work stuff and home stuff to deal with. But I feel like I’m trying so hard to be patient and my Daddy just doesn’t have any time for me. It makes me feel like I’m not a priority in his life…which I guess I always knew. I knew that his family would come first…and I knew that his job was more important, too…but having it made so clear to me over so many days…it hurts.
To be honest, it’s getting to me. I need my Daddy. What’s worse is that he knows I need him. Unfortunately, we both know that he just doesn’t have enough time. He gets about 6 hours of sleep if he’s lucky, but it’s typically less than that…he works all day…he takes care of everyone and he’s left sort of run down at the end of the day.
I hate that he’s had so little time lately. I feel like having earned his collar should have meant more time with him…instead, I can’t stop crying because I feel like I barely get to talk to him anymore.
He said he’d call me when he went shopping, but his daughter called him. So he spent that time talking to her, which I get…I mean, she is his daughter…but that was supposed to be our time. I had really been looking forward to it…instead, I could only talk to him on his drive back. Even he knew that that wasn’t long enough, so he sat in his car a bit longer once he got home.
I know he’s going to read this in the morning. I know he won’t be happy, but it’s not as though he isn’t aware of it. I spent over an hour in the tub…just thinking. I thought of what my life was like this time last year and I thought about what it’s like now and I thought of what I wanted it to be a year from now…something has to change. And it will. I know it will. I know my Daddy isn’t happy with the amount of time we’ve been spending together. He tries so hard to give me the attention I crave…but there just aren’t enough hours in the day.
I love my Daddy…I really do. I wouldn’t wear his collar if I didn’t. My Daddy is trying. For now, that’s all that matters.

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