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May 18, 2013

My mom found out about my Daddy. It didn’t go well.
This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. A running theme in my life is to hide my relationships from her, have her find out, freak out, make me break up and then I start all over again. This time however, I didn’t break up with my Daddy. This time, she didn’t ask me to.

She had taken my collar off a few days before for my graduation photo shoot. Once she did that, I couldn’t ask her to put it back on without making her question why. Instead, I texted my Daddy. I told him that my mom needed to go home so that I could wear my collar again because I felt so naked without it.

My mom definitely read that text. I think of all the texts she may have read, this one was the worst. Why? Because it made it seem that I didn’t want her around. It made it seem that wearing my collar was more important than spending time with her.

When she read the word collar she assumed that I was being treated no better than an animal. She was hurt that my self esteem was low enough to allow myself to be treated so poorly. She didn’t agree with my choices, but she didn’t ask me to change them either.

I think a large part of her hurt and anger came from her thinking that I was with my Daddy for money. Nothing could be farther from the truth. Any money he’s ever given me I’ve always given back. Sometimes I may need some help paying for textbooks or something and my Daddy will step in, but it’s pretty much a guarantee that I’ll pay him back in full the very next time I see him. When she was crying at me I got the sense that she felt if she had more money I wouldn’t have been forced to be in this relationship. She saw my relationship with my Daddy as something that could have been prevented if only she had worked extra hours or taken another job. My relationship with my Daddy has never been about money. It’s about how I feel so safe and perfectly comfortable when I talk to him.

I didn’t quite know how to deal with everything as it was happening. All I wanted was to hide behind my Daddy and have him deal with everything. I tried to focus on reminding my mom that I was capable of making my own choices, happy and safe. It wasn’t easy. I must have repeated it like a thousand times.

It’s been two weeks since this happened. My mom has gone back home. We’ve talked about other things, but she hasn’t brought up my relationship with my Daddy again. I don’t know what will happen in the future. Maybe she’ll just continue to ignore my Daddy’s existence or maybe she’ll ask to finally meet him. Either way, I think I’ll let her decide when she’s ready to bring it up again…I’m certainly not going to.

6 Comments leave one →
  1. May 18, 2013 5:53 pm

    What a sad post 😦 . God only knows what would happen if my little girls mother found out – hope we don’t come to that bridge any time soon, if ever.

  2. May 19, 2013 10:12 am

    Years ago, I met a frightened little girl that helped me see a way out of a terrible place. She helped me be brave when I thought I could not be, and helped me feel valuable when I felt worthless. That little girl has grown and has accomplished so much, all while keeping the essence of herself, while staying a little girl. While I am not connected to that little girl in quite the same way now as I was then, I am still proud of her and watch her take on the world and it makes me smile.
    Honey girl, you will get through this. Your mom doesn’t understand now, but she loves you, and you love her, so it means that eventually you’ll be able to help her understand. Perhaps her understanding will not be complete, but you’ll be able to bring her a place where she is able to see that you are in a loving, supportive relationship. And since your mom wants you to be happy and safe more than anything else, this will make her happy.
    Have faith. Things will work out as they should. 🙂

  3. Tiff permalink
    May 27, 2013 10:03 am

    wow I couldn’t imagine that ever happening to me though it almost did my daddy contacted my grandfather thinking it was me and I had to act like I didn’t know him :-/ I hope things get better with you and your mom though…and congratulations on your degree!!

  4. July 18, 2013 4:37 am

    Arianna’s mother knows of our lifestyle and she has even seen Arianna’s cage. While she does not approve, she does approves how much I have helped her and she has seen a huge change in Arianna, and she thanked me, and just wanted my assurance I was going to be there for the long haul.
    Maybe you need to speak with your mother and point out the good in the relationship. Bring up about how there is no abuse and the awesome communication you have. Also explain that everyone is different.
    Many times the good can out weigh the bad. Arianna’s mother did not approve of her collar which cannot come off I have the key, but as she goes she understands more.

    • July 18, 2013 10:35 am

      I doubt my mom is ready for that talk yet, but your comment was helpful for when that time comes. Unfortunately, she read text messages in which I called him Daddy and told him how much I missed my collar. I think our relationship came off as a sugar Daddy type of relationship to her. It isn’t and I’ll need to figure out a way to explain that to her when the time comes.

      • July 19, 2013 6:45 am

        I can see where she would get that feeling. You may be able to explain, but as you know people only hear what they want. When we speak on BDSM in any way shape or form, people make the connection with abuse.
        When Arianna and I got married her mother was happy, but she was totally against the collaring ceremony

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